The Longing
My insides are copper and I'd kill to make them gold, - Fallout Boy
I have a problem listening to most worship songs. It's a personal problem. I know a lot of people love songs where they can say "This is the air I breath," or "With each breath I'll praise you more," or even "This is all I have to give, and that's my everything." And they should love them. If they can immerse themselves in the words and come to worship God with them, they should. I envy them. I can't. Whenever words like that come out of my mouth they feel hollow. It's the letter "I" (technically in this context it's a word.) Well that's part of it. The problem with saying "I" for me is that I am very unreliable. I am tempted to think of myself all the time as it is. For twenty to thirty minutes on Sunday morning, and when I pop a CD into the player, I don't want to think about me. I want a few minutes to remember that its not about me, that everything I have as a Christian is not my doing. Its a direct result of who God is and what He does.
I think I could edit the words of the song and make them work for me. Like "This should be the air I breath," or I should praise you more," but it loses a bit of the poetry. Maybe the problem is myself, I can't set aside the memory of my faults long enough to worship. Maybe other people sin less than me and can put it aside easier. It is just so much more beneficial for me to remind myself of who God is. That's what changes me, not my half sung promises. I just wish I enjoyed both types of songs.
Have you ever noticed how some people not only expect the worst, but seem to want it. They crave it. They need something bad to happen. Why? Probably because they hate the people that they are. Most people are disappointed in themselves. They wish they did more, worked harder, thought deeper, believed more completely etc. When they fail to live up to those they hate it. But most people (myself included) are lazy. They don't want to actually work for those things. So then they go see movies like Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnia and they think, "Look at those people, they are cool. If the world was ending I could be like that too." Well at least I have thought that. So then they want bad things to happen. Like all technology going to crap and we go back to killing each other with swords and harvesting our own food. Then with everything on the line they would have to step up and be better. It's really a silly idea, but think about it, I bet you have thought like that too. The fact of the matter is, if a world devastating event happened a lot of people would die simply cause they didn't feel like adapting to the way things turned out.
I think the point of both subjects I've talked about is this. People want to change. Most of us are lacking but don't know how to change or (more likely) just don't want to work at it. So we look at other people and wish to be like them, envy them, or we hope something will happen that will force us to change. At the end of the day, you have the final say on whether or not you change. God helps, He gives us every opportunity to, but He won't make you.
In Other news...
The makers of Ocean's 11 and 12, decided that they didn't have enough star power for the third installment, Ocean's 13 , and decided to add Al Pachino to the cast. I still don't think its a fair trade off for Cathrine Zeta- Jones or Julia Roberts, who both will not be returning.
If you haven't headr yet, Joss Whedon creator of Buffy, Angel, and Firefly and the movies related, will be directing and writing for the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. Which is almost enough reason to go see it.
I am looking for a job in ministry that I can work while I finish my degree. If you hear of any let me know.
I have a problem listening to most worship songs. It's a personal problem. I know a lot of people love songs where they can say "This is the air I breath," or "With each breath I'll praise you more," or even "This is all I have to give, and that's my everything." And they should love them. If they can immerse themselves in the words and come to worship God with them, they should. I envy them. I can't. Whenever words like that come out of my mouth they feel hollow. It's the letter "I" (technically in this context it's a word.) Well that's part of it. The problem with saying "I" for me is that I am very unreliable. I am tempted to think of myself all the time as it is. For twenty to thirty minutes on Sunday morning, and when I pop a CD into the player, I don't want to think about me. I want a few minutes to remember that its not about me, that everything I have as a Christian is not my doing. Its a direct result of who God is and what He does.
I think I could edit the words of the song and make them work for me. Like "This should be the air I breath," or I should praise you more," but it loses a bit of the poetry. Maybe the problem is myself, I can't set aside the memory of my faults long enough to worship. Maybe other people sin less than me and can put it aside easier. It is just so much more beneficial for me to remind myself of who God is. That's what changes me, not my half sung promises. I just wish I enjoyed both types of songs.
Have you ever noticed how some people not only expect the worst, but seem to want it. They crave it. They need something bad to happen. Why? Probably because they hate the people that they are. Most people are disappointed in themselves. They wish they did more, worked harder, thought deeper, believed more completely etc. When they fail to live up to those they hate it. But most people (myself included) are lazy. They don't want to actually work for those things. So then they go see movies like Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnia and they think, "Look at those people, they are cool. If the world was ending I could be like that too." Well at least I have thought that. So then they want bad things to happen. Like all technology going to crap and we go back to killing each other with swords and harvesting our own food. Then with everything on the line they would have to step up and be better. It's really a silly idea, but think about it, I bet you have thought like that too. The fact of the matter is, if a world devastating event happened a lot of people would die simply cause they didn't feel like adapting to the way things turned out.
I think the point of both subjects I've talked about is this. People want to change. Most of us are lacking but don't know how to change or (more likely) just don't want to work at it. So we look at other people and wish to be like them, envy them, or we hope something will happen that will force us to change. At the end of the day, you have the final say on whether or not you change. God helps, He gives us every opportunity to, but He won't make you.
In Other news...
The makers of Ocean's 11 and 12, decided that they didn't have enough star power for the third installment, Ocean's 13 , and decided to add Al Pachino to the cast. I still don't think its a fair trade off for Cathrine Zeta- Jones or Julia Roberts, who both will not be returning.
If you haven't headr yet, Joss Whedon creator of Buffy, Angel, and Firefly and the movies related, will be directing and writing for the upcoming Wonder Woman movie. Which is almost enough reason to go see it.
I am looking for a job in ministry that I can work while I finish my degree. If you hear of any let me know.
posted by jonathan | 1:27 PM
5 Comments:
Jonathan, you make me laugh and my day.
You are forever my friend.
you fart.. "I hate you and your beachy self,"... there was no sense of not meaning that...I'm assuming you didn't.
it's been tood long. you need to post already. jeez.
com'on.. Where's a new post to entertain your readers of your incredibly dazzling life???
Jonathan!! I'm glad to know that you are still alive and full of random crazy information. It's been forever. Before the summer is over we should try to get together. Probably won't happen seeing how far away you are but it's a thought. I hope you're doing well. I need an email from you so I may know how great your life is and then I will share with you mine. Take care dear Jonathan and don't allow such time to pass before we talk again.
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